thank you for the laugh

gratitude for everything

i spent some time tonight with a younger friend of mine. he has heard stories from the adults in his life about how hard they had to work to be in the position they are in today. it reminded me of this TED talk that i had watched a month ago...

summertime

zip a dee do dah
zip a dee ay
home sweet home is the message today

ending

first year of four almost over
learnt so much
scared much more
it'll be okay though
i got people to depend on now... hopefully.
maybe even a special person.

okay

once

we live once
we die once
we get married once
we fall in love once
not over and over again...

tick motherfucking tock

with each breath i take
an hour passes
stress creeps
video audio playing in the back
korean gamers shouting off to the side
and 3/4 of my Rockstar drink gone
i love
college
i'm growing up
blogging
crap my stomach hurts but its okay
back to lined paper

this is a joke; dont take it literally but emotionally

Im writing this note before I commit suicide

I cant help it anymore to be honest

My body shakes too much from all the drugs I take

My body craves THE sex

I don't know what to do anymore

School isn’t keeping me sane

My mom cares for me too much

And I know when I go she will feel sad but

This is a choice

A choice for me

So it should be made by me

I don't know what else to say

I know they say if you know something

About someone who is talking about suicide

You should contact someone you know immediate

Ly

But I would appreciate it if you didn't

Not for me

I don't deserve it

Who am i

Do I really know

I don't think I will ever come to peace

With anything that has happened to me

Im 18 and I feel like the my life has been so sad

Im worried to have sex cause im worried the girl will get pregnant

Im worried of the future because I don't know if I will succeed

Im worried to let my friends and parents down

Im worried to not have any friends

Im worried that I wont ever find a wife that I like

Im worried that my kids will be born with a disease

Im worried that I will get a disease…

Im worried of what people will remember about me… itll be good things right?

Im scared of the future

I honestly am worried of the future.

I heard the best way to fix your problems is to face them

But what if I cant do it

What if I don't have the balls to face my problems

I don't know if I do

I am tired of being worried

Suicide is painless

It brings on many changes

And I can take or

Leave it

If I please

Shoutout to M.A.S.H.

first class of my college career

I was filled with nervousness and excitement as I sat down in my first college class this morning. I arrived about 10 minutes before class started and a few people were already sitting down. I decided to sit in the second row because I wanted to project the impression that I am an eager learner but I'm not a complete nerd (which is a lie, but my grades don't show it.) Class went well and I answered several questions. It just felt good to be back in a learning environment; it reminds me of the good old days of high school. I walked back to my dorm after class and went on Facebook and clicked through all my tagged pictures; I can't think of the word to describe this..... uh shit i still can't think it.... what the hell... i know what it is... when you feel fond for old things....OH SHIT YEAH. I was feeling nostalgic. I have class in about an hour so I am gonna end this here.

Also, Star Trek came online for torrenting but since I use PSU internet now, I can't torrent it. Sigh.

what is love

Teacher - what is love?
Student A - Uhm....
Teacher - Never mind....
Teacher -You, tell me: what is love?
Student B - Who, me? I don't know...
Teacher - Sigh, forget it...
Teacher - Ronnie...
Ronnie - Yeah!
Teacher - What is love?
Ronnie - Love... love is friendship. If she can never become my best friend, then how can I ever fall in love with her. Simple, love is friendship.
Teacher - What an absolutely lovely idea. Love is friendship.

I quoted this from one of my favorite movies. I inserted my name because I like pretending I'm the main character.

Now to reflect upon my last relationship. I wish she had viewed me as a friend. After spending time with each other from almost two years, we left each other as strangers. I now feel uncomfortable to put that much effort in someone. I put lots of effort into my last relationship and in the ended, I didn't even have a friend. I like friends. I like the color red.